Very Sad News
Jul 11th, 2008 by zania
When I wrote my previous post, about My Mum, I was quite distraught. After writing it, I couldn’t bring myself to do any updates on this blog until I had seen her. It somehow seemed wrong to push the post down the page.
After writing the post, I had another phone call from the hospital saying that Mum was showing signs of improvement, and although she was still very ill, there were hopes she would pull through her current crisis. This set my mind at ease a little, as it had been impossible to get an earlier flight to see her, despite trying to book with a number of different airlines. The only earlier flights available to me were astronomical in price and even if we had pooled all our money, we still couldn’t have afforded them. But knowing we couldn’t afford them did nothing to cut out the guilt I was feeling for not being there.
So I just hoped that the doctors were right and that when I got to Mum she would be on the road to recovery, for a while at least. But I didn’t post about that here. I didn’t want to tempt fate.
I continued to stay in contact with Mum each day, and spoke to her by telephone at least twice a day. And she remembered me, which was great. I told her I loved her many times and she told me the same. It was all we could do until I saw her again.
But it turned out that fate was not going to be on Mum’s side after all.
A few hours before I was due to fly out, I received a call from the hospital, saying that Mum had developed serious and unexpected complications. She needed an urgent operation but was too weak to survive the procedure. It really was just a matter of time.
Nothing I could do could speed up my departure. I just had to hope I would get to her on time while cursing myself for the delay.
While I was in the airport check in queue I received a phone call from my sister. She was with my Mum and Mum was taking her last breaths.
I spoke to Mum on the phone. I told her I loved her and that everything would be okay. I don’t know if she heard me. I hope so. She died while I was on the telephone to her.
By the time I got to the UK, all I could do was visit Mum at the funeral home. She looked peaceful, but I don’t know if she was still there or somewhere else. I’m not a believer in anything for sure, but if someone deserved to go to a good place it was Mum. So if there is a good place, I hope she made it there.
One thing which does give me hope is that the night before Mum died my sisters were sitting with her. Mum was very scared about what was happening to her. But then the door opened by itself. There was no one there. My Mum had, because of her illness, forgotten my Dad ever existed (he died some years ago), but she suddenly looked up and said his name, as if she was talking to him.
She was peaceful after that.
My sisters were quite freaked out by what happened, but they, and I, have to hope that my Dad did come to be with Mum and that they both found peace together.
I will post some normal posts to this blog again soon. When I’ve got my head together a bit more.
For now, I just want to remember Mum for the good and kind lady she was and know that she was well loved by all of us.
[...] you can imagine, after making my previous post, my thoughts are still preocupied. Nevertheless, Fraying Edges Depression Help is very important to [...]