Depression Makes It Hard To Reach Out
Aug 8th, 2008 by zania
Depression Can Lead To Loneliness And Isolation
My post about the setbacks I faced when defining my life goals received some excellent responses. Thank you everyone. Your contributions to that post not only gave me much needed empathy and food for thought, but provided helpful advice for others too. It’s always good to have more than one person thinking about these things. It gives everyone fresh perspectives. So thank you 
One of the commenters was Monica Mundell, who writes the excellent blog for Freelance Writers The Writers Manifesto. Monica spoke of her own depression and her comments are actually the inspiration for this and a later post.
At the end of her comment, Monica said I could contact her if I ever wanted a chat because I was feeling down. And do you know what my immediate thought was?
“That is a very kind thought, but I couldn’t do this. Monica is busy with her own work and a hectic life. It just wouldn’t be fair to take up her valuable time with my moans.”
And it struck me then just how lonely I can make myself when I am depressed. I’ll tell you why I think that is.
When We Are Depressed It Is Hard To Reach Out
Sometimes when we are depressed we feel too tired to even contemplate reaching out for help. It is all we can do to get out of bed, leave alone communicate with someone else.
When someone suffers from depression they get used to be misunderstood. It is not unusual for family and friends to ignore the depressed person (rather like when someone is grieving, many people say nothing to them, not because they want to be unkind, but because they simply do not know what to say). Others will tell them in a number of different ways to ‘just snap out of it’, but of course they cannot.
Either way, someone suffering from depression grows to expect rejection. So many of us close down communications with others, rather than face further suffering. And thus over time we begin to fear reaching out for help.
Others who suffer from depression feel ‘inferior’ in some way, or carry a huge sense of guilt. Many feel unworthy of respect and even attention. So they too hold back from reaching out for help.
When we are depressed our comments are often negative and self-focused. We can reach out for help, but we haven’t the strength to offer anything in return. We can place a dark cloud over any conversation, which can make the person we are talking to feel almost as down as we do ourselves.
So, once we recognize this, we choose next time not to reach out.
Depression can also make us feel anger. We want to lash out at people. If we do communicate with others, we can be harsh and even cruel. People get hurt. Even those who understand the reasons behind our behaviour will tend to avoid us, until we are in ‘a better mood’. So we make ourselves isolated by our actions. And slowly we learn that it’s better not to reach out for help when we are feeling angry and depressed.
I’m sure you may think of a few more reasons why we find it difficult to reach out for help when we are suffering from depression.
As for me, going through these reasons helps. I know now I am not just being ‘an anti-social cow’ when I do not want to communicate with others because I am depressed. All the examples I gave above were from my own feelings at different times and I can see now just why I react in these ways. I am not a lesser person for doing so. I just happen to get depressed.
It sure gets lonely though, being this way. So next time when I am feeling low, I just might reach out.
Thank you Monika
I can so relate.
Hey you have a nice blog here Zania. I just wanted to drop by and check it out. Is that really you in your avatar that I saw over at PB’s?
Good luck on the other side with your adult sites too…they must be good money makers but I just haven’t tried them yet.
Hi Jackal,
I’m glad you can relate to this. It’s a killer to communication isn’t it?
But I’m also sorry that you can relate to it, if you see what I mean… because they are not great feelings are they?
Thanks for stopping by
Hi Mary,
Thanks for popping over to visit my little part of the world - a bit different from PB’s site (or Vic’s come to that…) isn’t it
And thanks for the compliment on this blog. I do my best
No, sad to say, that avatar on PB’s site isn’t me. I did try an avatar of me, but it turned out a bit gothic, lol! It’s still hovering around out there at some places though… But that’s me in the header at the top of the page - but only my back view … and I haven’t got the braids any more…
And the adult sites… yes, I’m afraid that’s where the money is for me. This blog is mainly a labour of love. But I quite like it that way. It gives me the freedom to say what I want to say, without bothering so much about backlinks, keywords, SEO and all the other stuff which gives us headaches at times
Actually I like the Gothic Avatar. Oh one more blog to add to the growing list of Zania’s prolific output - and I’ve never seen one of your adult blogs. You amaze me Z.
Lol Griz, you found me here,
there again I guess it was a link in a post at Vic’s or somewhere…
Yes, I am quite a prolific writer. I just like writing I guess
But this blog is actually more of my home than any other. Despite (or perhaps because of…) its subject, it fits me better somehow.
And most of my adult blogs (the good ones anyway) are not linked to from my normal sites in any way.
See, I’m learning, lol!
Zania,
I followed the bread crumbs from the PB discussion/tirade/beating a dead horse thing (not you - you did a nice job) and was curious as to what else you had up your sleeve. I can see how this blog and the subject matter could be cathartic as you can be as honest with yourself as anyone possibly could online. Kudos.
Btw - I know how you are so prolific - you don’t sleep! Must be the wee hours of the morning in Spain once again. Take care and talk to ya later.
Yes, it’s getting on for 5am here. There is a fiesta going on in our village and a few people have decided to stay up all night and play heavy metal music very loudly, so it’s too noisy to sleep right now (and too hot).
We should have stayed on at the fiesta
See you later Grizzly