Does Being A Cynic Make You More Depressed?
Aug 15th, 2008 by zania
Cynicism Can Suck In The Happiness Stakes!
I am a cynic. No question about that. If anyone makes me an offer on anything, my first thought is always “What’s in it for them?”
When I studied Freudian Psychology at school, one of the first things which really rang a bell with me was that the human psyche is based upon motivation - an inherent need to survive by looking after oneself first (and yes I know that’s a very simplistic version of Freud’s theories, but this post isn’t about that).
You see, life up until then had given me reason to feel this way. Yes, we can love someone dearly and care for their wellbeing very much, but this is not pure unselfish love, because if anything happened to that person, it would make us feel bad.
When I look at politicians telling us their proposals are ‘for the good of all’, my reaction is, “Oh sure. Like we don’t know that you are in this for the money/power/egoism or whatever…”
When a doctor prescribes me a new antidepressant saying “I’ve read very good reports on this one.” My question is, “Yeah, but who produced those reports? Employees of the pharmaceutical company making these drugs?”
In fact, when I see or hear anyone telling me that something is ‘for my good’, my cynical mind clicks in and says, “How on earth do you know what is for my good… unless of course you are basing your assumptions on what is good for you.”
And cynicism has stood me in good stead up till now. In some ways…
Sure, it is very difficult for someone to cheat me (although many still try) and my assessment of the underlying meanings of words is usually proved right.
But does being a cynic make me happy?
I’m not so sure…
Being able to ’see through the crap’ does please me, it’s true. And being able to see beneath the surface can often be good when you are trying to help someone deal with their own distress. And I guess being able to write critical articles and have people say they are good does give me pleasure too…
And I have learned to take complements. At one time, if anyone paid me a complement, my first thought was “why are they saying this?” Now I just say thanks and it feels a whole lot better.
Nowadays I have learned that people can actually be nice because basically they are nice. After all, being nice can make you feel better…
But the underlying principle of my critical (and often personal) thought tends to be “What has motivated this person to do this/say this?”
And when you are trying your best to be a friendly, sociable person, that cynical attitude kinda sucks, because it is like you are viewing everything through a grey mesh of doubt.
And we all know which end of the colour spectrum grey is at…
So is my continued cynical attitude adding to my tendency to depression? Should I try to accept more and criticise less and hope this makes me a happier person? Isn’t it good sometimes just to trust?
Or in today’s World would you say that viewing life with cynicism has to be the only course of action to trust?
[...] her. But I found the blog at last and it opened on what I think is the latest entry - a post about cynicism and depression. Just reading it I knew it was her before even checking the [...]
There is a possibility that you could be wrong: it may not be your cynicism that’s making you depressed, but it could be your unwillingness to accept that people have complex motivations - some of which are selfish - and your inability to forgive that’s making you prone to melancholia.
I know people that have been abused, cheated, kicked about and subject to the most horrific misfortunes, and they remain calm, stoic, positive and contented, and still feel comfortable in trusting others and maintaining meaningful friendships.
Conversely, I know people whose idyllic and protected childhoods left them unable to accept to the moral grayness of the adult world, and who reacted by becoming bitter, mistrustful, hostile and deeply unhappy long before their time.
I’m one of the latter and my partner is one of the former, and I’m having to learn slowly from his example that you can be open with people in a way that doesn’t advertise you as a soft touch, that others can be relied upon and enjoyed, and that their lack of character can be brushed off as something that is simply not your problem.
It takes a lot of strength, but it can be done.
For the most part, trust has to be earned. I say, “for the most part” because, usually, you have to start trusting in order to develop friendships and relationships. But there are signs to watch for that helps me when I decide if I want to trust someone a little. Maybe that old saying isn’t true, maybe earning trust isn’t really necessary. It’s more important to stop trusting if your trust has been betrayed, than to only trust someone who has earned it. Trust has to start somewhere, some initial act of lowering your defenses. As for being negative or cynical, yes I think it contributes to depression, but it’s also very difficult to find a balance. To realize that it may be increasing one’s depression is one thing, but one can’t decide to start thinking positive overnight. It must be developed over time by recognizing when being negative is a pointless exercise and serves only to make a complaint come out of a mouth. And balancing mistrust and cynicism to guard yourself is still important, but it’s helpful when it’s not on the level of paranoia or prevents you from functioning as a happy person; it’s much better when it’s balanced with realistic views and some effort to recognize good things and try to avert your mind when you notice something negative.
Or something like that.
@Mark,
Hmmm, very true, people do have complex motivations and many of these are good.
The strange thing is, I am more like your partner than you may think. I have been subject to being kicked around a bit… but I do have an inherent optimism (which is strange I guess for someone who suffers from depression, but for me is probably a saving factor).
I’m one of these people who will get up, brush myself down and start all over again… and again… and again…
If I’m in the right mood, that is
But you can see the underlying cynicism even in that last statement…
Strange isn’t it, how we can react differently to childhood experiences? I have no idea what it was ike to have an idylic childhood, but from where I came from at the time, I guess I would have wanted to have one!
But I can understand how that could leave you open to being unable to accept the greyness of the adult World.
Us humans are definitely complex creatures aren’t we?
@Andy,
Hey, you’re back!
Hope everything is okay with you. I’ll pop over later on to see.
And my god that is a complex statement you have just made!
And I agree, we cannot just start ‘thinking positive’ overnight - heaven forbid!
I worked in sales for a while when I was at Uni, and I was constantly berated for ‘not thinking positive enough’, but the sales manager’s idea of ‘positive thinking’ was all about pushing the products. I just couldn’t do it, even though the commission would have been good.
But as for trust, yes, it has to begin somewhere and to trust we have to lower our defences. And that’s when it can all come unstuck - for me anyhow - because it is when I have given my complete trust (and let it be known that I have) it has always come back to hit me in the face…
But that’s another story… or stories….
Hmmm, gaining a balance between cynicism and actual mistrust… interesting… I’ll have to think more about that one.
Thanks!
Complex? I was going for profound.
Thanks for the well-wishes, yes, I’m doing okay.
[...] anyone is wondering why I have not posted here since 15th August, when I wrote about Cynicism and Depression, it is partly because I have been busy doing all my other work online, but mainly because the [...]