Comments on: Does Forgiveness Always Help Us Cope With Depression? http://frayingedges.com/2008/08/does-forgiveness-always-help-us-cope-with-depression/ Overcoming depression in a stress filled world Wed, 10 Mar 2010 06:29:40 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: zania http://frayingedges.com/2008/08/does-forgiveness-always-help-us-cope-with-depression/#comment-199 zania Mon, 11 Aug 2008 18:57:09 +0000 http://frayingedges.com/?p=54#comment-199 Hi Mike, thanks for your thoughts. And yes, disease can mean (did) ease, I agree, especially in a whole body concept. I'm not religious myself (partly because of my thoughts on organised religion, better not expressed here... and partly because trusting in 'faith' has produced its setbacks...), but yes, forgiveness, if possible, is definitely a way of moving on and stopping the 'festering' as you so rightly say. I have no argument with that. But the philosophy of forgiveness for forgiveness' sake does worry me. As you say, we have to convince our unconscious mind that it's ok to forgive and that can be extremely difficult, especially when the harm done to us is profound and to forgive is like saying 'that's ok, I understand why you did that to me. But I'll never fully understand why...' I'm thinking particularly here of someone who has been abused as a child (not me incidentally). It is a slippery slope to go down in forgiving their abuser, when for years the victim may have been blaming themselves for the abuse. I would prefer moving on myself and accepting that what the other person did to me was wrong. So in that case I would be judging them and I think it's ok to do so. In those circumstances (and a few others...), telling someone they should 'forgive' sounds shallow and fraught with difficulty. I think we should be telling that person it's ok to judge and why bother to understand one's abuser if it hurts to do so?. Just my thoughts... :) And thanks for popping over to see me in this end of the online world :) Hi Mike,
thanks for your thoughts.
And yes, disease can mean (did) ease, I agree, especially in a whole body concept.
I’m not religious myself (partly because of my thoughts on organised religion, better not expressed here… and partly because trusting in ‘faith’ has produced its setbacks…), but yes, forgiveness, if possible, is definitely a way of moving on and stopping the ‘festering’ as you so rightly say. I have no argument with that.

But the philosophy of forgiveness for forgiveness’ sake does worry me. As you say, we have to convince our unconscious mind that it’s ok to forgive and that can be extremely difficult, especially when the harm done to us is profound and to forgive is like saying ‘that’s ok, I understand why you did that to me. But I’ll never fully understand why…’

I’m thinking particularly here of someone who has been abused as a child (not me incidentally). It is a slippery slope to go down in forgiving their abuser, when for years the victim may have been blaming themselves for the abuse.
I would prefer moving on myself and accepting that what the other person did to me was wrong. So in that case I would be judging them and I think it’s ok to do so.
In those circumstances (and a few others…), telling someone they should ‘forgive’ sounds shallow and fraught with difficulty. I think we should be telling that person it’s ok to judge and why bother to understand one’s abuser if it hurts to do so?.

Just my thoughts… :)

And thanks for popping over to see me in this end of the online world :)

]]> By: Mike Perry http://frayingedges.com/2008/08/does-forgiveness-always-help-us-cope-with-depression/#comment-198 Mike Perry Mon, 11 Aug 2008 15:13:45 +0000 http://frayingedges.com/?p=54#comment-198 I've been lucky enough never to have suffered with depression but I do believe in forgiveness as a philosophy. Though I don't belong to any organised religion this is what Jesus taught and it makes sense. Not forgiving can eat you up and fester away in the mind, which in turn can effect the body and maybe cause illness or disease. Disease, I think, means not at (dis) ease. It's important to be at ease with everyone and the world in general for true happiness. The only problem with saying we should forgive others (and ourself) is that it's not always that simple. Sometimes it's hard to convince our unconscious mind to accept what we intend. Interesting subject. Mike. I’ve been lucky enough never to have suffered with depression but I do believe in forgiveness as a philosophy. Though I don’t belong to any organised religion this is what Jesus taught and it makes sense.

Not forgiving can eat you up and fester away in the mind, which in turn can effect the body and maybe cause illness or disease.

Disease, I think, means not at (dis) ease.

It’s important to be at ease with everyone and the world in general for true happiness.

The only problem with saying we should forgive others (and ourself) is that it’s not always that simple. Sometimes it’s hard to convince our unconscious mind to accept what we intend.

Interesting subject.

Mike.

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